Birth Stories
Throughout my career as a Labor & Delivery nurse I helped celebrate many, many birthdays… Many people have asked if I could estimate the number of sweet babies I have seen enter the world. Some days on the unit were busier than others and depending on which coast I was working on (re: CA vs NY state nursing ratio laws) I could’ve potentially helped usher anywhere from no babies to three or four babies per shift (depending on my role for the day ie. scheduled c-section RN, etc.). For mathematical estimate’s sake, I averaged this out to one little being per shift and carried out the rest of the equation with how many shifts per week per year for the duration of my total nursing career and I was amazed to realize that I had probably surpassed 1,000 births throughout my career as an L&D nurse. WOW, I know. That’s a lot of little beings and a lot of powerful birthing beings I have had the honor of supporting and witnessing! I often like to day dream about an auditorium filled with these little beings who helped me as much as I helped them by helping ME birth into the new being I am today… seeing their beautiful faces shining back at me with all of the wonder and potential of their futures that lie ahead. I stopped working as a floor nurse last summer to focus entirely on the completion of my graduate program and began the clinical portion of my program in November… nothing could have prepared me for what it was like to have the honor and privilege of catching these new beings as the midwife and attending provider. I began to journal about this new experience as a student midwife and commemorate these initial births in this new role and I would love to share them with you here…
.ONE.
December 1st (and the wee morning hours of the 2nd) brought with it my first out of hospital birth. A little girl... strong and powerful like her mother and as alert and attentive as the father who supported her mama through the most pivotal transition of their lives... partners to parents. After 6 hours of labor support, this little girl made her debut... and my life was forever changed. Welcome sweet girl... thank you for showing me just how beautiful birth can be. Not to mention for giving me the official midwife christening of a head to toe birth bath water scrub soaking. How am I so lucky to call this my “profession”? ✨ A dose of Christmas magic every single day ✨
.TWO&THREE.
These two sweet babies came back to back allowing me an eight hour sleep break before the next was calling to make her grand entrance. Baby number two was my first boy catch... he entered the world with such energetic force that he knocked the power out in the birth center 😉✨ I have new respect for the midwives who came long before me who attended births without power... using head lamps and flash lights as the only source of light as we managed his mommas PP hemorrhage. In the end both momma and baby were safe and sound and I got to crawl into bed with them on their home visit the following day... getting cozy over cups of tea while we helped his latch as the rain pattered on the roof. Number three was also her momma’s 3rd baby, a sweet, strong baby girl with yummy cheeks and a button nose. I needed an easily delivery after a scary night and she provided that for me... so much gratitude to you sweet girl!
.FOUR&FIVE.
The rule of 3s. So far these little ones have clustered together in the mysterious way that they do... an unseen communication between them, seeming to know something that we clearly don’t see. Well that’s what I would like to believe :) and it definitely makes getting through a 26 hour day that much more magical. These two little beings came in just 9 hours apart... Both solstice babies, one girl, one boy, one Sagittarius and one Capricorn. Continue to be blown away by the power of these strong women and their commitment to bringing their babies into the world the way they want to and feel is best. A bit delirious today but still beaming from those wonderful births. 35 more to go and I’m sure there’ll be one more close behind for this cluster ✨
.SIX.
Little Santa Baby number 6 waited until everyone had opened their presents before he started knockin... and with him being momma’s 3rd baby, we were out in time to make it back for Christmas dinner. With little drummer boy playing in the background and a miniature Santa hat for his perfectly round head... I don’t think the room could have been filled with more Christmas magic. Welcome sweet big boy!
.SEVEN.
My number •7• and momma’s number five. This baby boy took his time with his grand entrance... making sure that us birth workers never make too many assumptions about the mysteries and magic of birth (“number 5 will be quick and easy!”). Mom did some emotional exploration on any possible blocks or holdings and what psychologically may be holding •her• back from letting •him• go... worried about the challenging juggling game of a newborn and 4 other children... the fact that this would be the last time in this life cycle that she would be pregnant and feel her baby inside her. When her labor almost completely halted at 6 cms we had a long conversation about these concerns and just listened to her. Then she, papa and baby all had a long private talk alone in the quiet, dim birthing room... and within the hour he was there... caught by papa and placed on mommas chest. No matter how tough and long this work can be... it is always worth it.
.EIGHT.
Long awa8ted. After needing to make some changes in my clinical trajectory in order to prioritize myself and my health, my low volume slow but steady pace has slowed even more over the past month. With almost an entire month between these sweet number 7 and 8 babies... I thought this girl would never come. Colleagues in hospital based clinical sites can catch 8 babies in one shift (on a “good” day) and it has taken me 3 months of 30 - 40 hours/week to catch mine but I wouldn’t and couldn’t trade this out of hospital birth experience for a faster pace. With the new adjustments I’ve had to make for myself I’m looking at postponing my graduation for possibly a year or more but I’m trusting the process, trusting the universe and trusting the forces that have propelled me forward to this point. I know that without my health and this physical body I have been blessed with I won’t be able to enjoy what life has in store for me so I need to live in the moment and prioritize what is important— surrounding myself with people who share the same values and ethics as me, spending time with people I love most and my sweet family (present and future) and taking care of myself in all ways. Life is a wild ride... welcome sweet girl. Hold on to your little hat ❤️✨
.NINE.
I catch myself sometimes saying that I feel like I’m going to miss out on the “world traveling vagabond” chapter of my life... my nonstop-educational-decade-long chapter flowing without pause into the lifelong nonstop professional chapter that lies ahead; but, after births like the one number 9 presented to me, I realize that one does not need to travel to experience the culture and traditions of exotic destinations. Traditions surrounding birth and death are so unique, so engrained, so longstanding... to witness and have the privilege to be in the room when either of these transitional events occur is an experience that no amount of world travel would ever be able to provide. In this birth room two nights ago, as this sweet girl made her earthside emergence, surrounded by the chanting songs of the ancestors who came long long before her, I was truly transported. How profoundly blessed I am to be a part of something so sacred and ancient. Filled with gratitude and reverence for what I witnessed, thank you sweet girl for providing this gift to me and wishing you a warm welcome and happy, happy birthday.
.TEN.
And with the birth of this sweet, strong girl, I’ve made it to the double digits! I found out today that there are only 26 students left in my class who started this journey with me two years ago in April. Every week I get to see celebratory posts of the ones who have finished before me posting pictures of happy tears and holding their passed licensing exam in hand. I have come to terms with the fact that I may be the last to cross the finish line due to the slower pace of my placement in a free standing birth center but, just like the tortoise, I feel strong and confident in this speed. A fellow birth center student colleague of mine reminded me that this process is a lot like birth... it should not be rushed, allowed to progress how nature intends it to and gathering all the lessons along the way. This was the most wonderful reminder... I am midwifing myself through this process... trusting and gently encouraging... through the labor and birth of my future self & lifelong dream. Welcome beautiful brown eyed girl and thank you for getting me one step closer to achieving this dream o’mine.
.ELEVEN.
Anyone who knows me knows how important numerology is to me. The symbolism and messages within numbers have carried me through the most beautiful and the most challenging times of my life— secret synchronicity and encouragement from beyond the veil. This weekend was drenched in this phenomena and what an important weekend it was. On the eve of International Women’s Day, we celebrated our engagement and the fact that I get to spend the rest of my life with the most incredible woman I have ever known. Not even 12 hours after it ended I was called in for number 11... the moments of that morning are something I will remember forever. We arrived to this sweet powerful momma pushing... working harder than she ever have or ever will in her life. As I looked around the room I took a moment to see what I was truly in the presence of on such an important day. Four seasoned midwives working together to support this woman... encouraging her and leaning in and helping her remember her true power. I could see the tradition I was witnessing... the age old ceremony of women helping women... being truly “with woman” during the greatest transition of her life. This is the meaning of the word midwife and I could see in that moment, this thread through time connecting us all together, from the beginning of woman to now in this room supporting this woman as she pushed her beautiful daughter into the world. My sweet profound number 11... born at 9:11 in the morning (my anniversary with my love). To say it is an honor to be a part of this wisdom tradition is quite the understatement. I celebrate this little woman to be, the mother who birthed her and every other woman today and everyday.